


From The Heart

by toothIess



Category: Humans (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 08:24:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14712581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toothIess/pseuds/toothIess
Summary: S3E1 spoilers. Mattie's thoughts about when she's talking to Leo by herself





	From The Heart

Mattie had lost count of how many times she has actually been here. From where she was sitting she could hear the constant beeping coming from the monitor and the soft and steady breathing from Leo. Besides that the room was awfully quiet and chill.

Yesterday it had been exactly a year since Day Zero and the synth ‘s all over the globe has gained consciousness. A hundred and ten thousand humans were killed in the aftermath which was totally Mattie’s fault because she had been the one to activate the code, which no one knew except her family and the Elster family. Mattie blamed herself for pressing that button every single day because the synth ‘s were now being prosecuted and pushed into the ghettos by the humans who blamed them for every hardship.

Leo had been comatose for exactly a year as well where she and Max have spent an awful lot of time trying to see if they were able to fix the synth part of Leo’s brain without any success. As the time progressed Mattie grew more restless because she feared that they wouldn’t be able to fix Leo’s brain at all and the man would be lost to all of them.

The only thing that Leo still had was his own human brain which had to take over from his synth brain which David Elster had skillfully placed there when Leo had only been thirteen years old. Still there was a very high possibility that Leo would never wake up from this comatose state at all because they had no chance of knowing how damaged Leo’s brain actually gotten when Hester had stabbed him.

Mattie was the most terrified of that outcome and hadn’t spoken to anyone about that fear of hers. It wasn’t something that she wanted to share with the others because she assumed that they all had plenty of other things on their minds. The only one she had shared her concern with had been Mia but the synth hadn’t really responded to her which had kind of left Mattie at a crossroad by herself.

As as a way of trying to cope with her emotions and her fear Mattie had decided to visit Leo as much as she possibly could. She had spent more time inside this bleary room that she had at her own house. She wasn’t certain if the other synth ‘s were very understanding or respective of her being here all the time, but they never said anything about it. They just let her sit there in that room by herself while they went to do their synth business.

Over the last six months Mattie had pretty much spilled her entire life story to Leo while he was lying there. There were no sound that he made besides that of his constant breathing that he made because he was still on life-support. He hasn’t breathed on his own ever since he got here and perhaps he never would.

Being here gave Mattie some reassurance and solace which she hadn’t realized that she needed. Talking to Leo about everything was something that gave her pleasure even when he didn’t respond to what she was saying. He didn’t even blink with his eyes in a way as if he understood her words. Mattie knew that he couldn’t hear her but she liked to pretend that he did.

She would gently lay her hand on his arm as she slowly traced circles. His skin still felt surprisingly warm against her own and it made her smile faintly even if Leo would never be aware of that.

She continued talking to him and she called herself a mass-murderer because that was exactly how she viewed herself since Day Zero. She was behind the dead of so many humans after all and Mattie wondered how long she would be able to live with that guilt that was eating her alive bit by bit. Every time she saw how more humans died at the hands of synth’s on the news her guilt only intensified. This was the only place where Mattie could talk about her own fears without being judged by anyone which was a nice change. That was another reason why she was spending so much of her time hear, hoping for a better time for everyone.

"I’m going to keep pretending as if you’re understanding what I’m saying," Mattie said while she looked at Leo whose skin had gone paler since her last visit which had only been a few days ago. She wondered how much paler he could still get after this if his condition would continue to worsen like that. Mattie was someone who didn’t want to hold onto any false hope which was why she insisted to herself that she had to be realistic and to prepare herself for the possible worst. "I know that you can’t. It helps me relax."

There were no new sounds besides the that awful beeping nose that came from the machine. Mattie was convinced that these noises were going to haunt her in the nearby future because she had spent so much time in here.

"I think that if there is a chance that you’re going to wake up that it’s going to take you a while to get used to only having a human brain," Mattie assumed as she kept talking. "It might be bleak in comparison to the synth brain you’ve had for years because it doesn’t have the same internal storage when it comes to your memories. Still I would like to help you adjust if you’d let me. I know that may sound silly, but you’re not alone out there, Leo. Even if you’re only human. Things will surely get very different if you _do_ wake up."

_Do wake up._

Mattie swallowed thickly as her throat tightened because that was something she desperately didn’t want to think about.

In an instant she reached out to grab hold of his hand while she studied his sleeping face. "You’re not alone, Leo," she assured him and she meant every word.


End file.
